Friday, September 30, 2011

Life and its Duties

This blog is about my friend’s friend. Life was good to her and she is a chirpy, talkative girl who always has something to talk about ….be it her hair, mom-in-law, mom, husband, work, etc. She had topics on her finger tips. She has been married since two years now and she is a home maker wanting to pursue her career in the IT industry. Well till now everything seems normal isn’t it….??
One day in the morning she realized she was pregnant, inspite of repeatedly testing it, the result was positive. It is obvious that for any girl this would be a momentous occasion to feel happy and she rushes towards the phone to call her husband and tell him the good news because she feels he deserves to know first.
She puts the receiver down and has no clue how to feel and what has to be done next. Her husband’s reaction was indifferent and calm and he refused to discuss the issue further until he gets back home from work.
Finally it’s 5 in the evening and her husband appears to be very tired and he tells her that the child has to be aborted since they have no sufficient funds to raise the child. Not that they have any financial crisis, but it's just that they cannot afford a child right now. I was shocked to hear this. I didn’t know how to react when I first heard it. Even though I (being a guy) may not exactly understand how she felt, but I can relate to her pain.
She would have never opted for it, but had to abort the child because she had to consider her husband’s feelings towards the whole issue. Obviously both their families were unaware of the issue and I guess it’s better to not to let them know, alteast in the short term. Her mom in law right now wants to have a grandchild and she is pestering her for a grandchild. She cannot really explain anything to anyone because of who she is as a person and also because of the fact that she is not just a daughter to her parents now but, someone’s wife and daughter in law as well. I am a firm believer in the thought that, whatever happens, happens for good and I guess this was meant to happen, that’s why it happened.

Sometimes we cannot be who we really are because of all the social constraints and because of the all the duties life has to offer us. Sometimes we have to compromise and forget who we really are and try to fulfill our duties towards people we are related to .Sometimes we have to do things which we never dreamt of doing it. Sometimes life takes you by surprise and you never what will be your next course of action. Sometimes we do what we have to unwillingly and then the memory still haunts us.
Sometimes we wonder what right do we have to take away someone else’s life? Also, we wonder why did we actually do what we did? ……we never find answers to these questions inspite of thinking about it a million times.
Sometimes you know that you are guilty? But the fact remains that the child is gone forever, a child who never got an opportunity to see this beautiful world. A child whose life was snipped and she will never ever be the same again. This memory of a child will haunt her till the rest of her life and she will always regret it for the days to come. I hope and pray that she can get over this.
I thank my friend for sharing this with me, it was an eye opener. I always like to look at the positive side of things. So when my friend told this to me, I thought to myself,
‘Even though I have problems of my own, but my problem seems so small and teaches me to live happily because someone else is facing a much bigger problem than mine…..’

PS: This blog would not have been possible if my friend had not shared it. Majority of the blog was written by my friend and I contributed some. It was an eye opener for me. Thanks to her...:) 


  1. WHat a good post you have come up with.
    It is a very difficult situation for a girl when the pregnancy is unplanned.

    Abortions nowadays are safely done. I have known people who could not conceive after the first abortion. If that is the case, the girl will have to live in guilt for her life. (I know, the first abortion thing is a myth)

    I hope your friend has a bright future and things go on as per plans.

    Most of the time, 'we will have some plans, destiny will have its own plans. '

    Very difficult situation to decide something!

  2. @Sahana: Thanks, yeah destiny is not in our hands.

  3. You know, am proud I started following your blog.

    Now, what I think about the issue you described. Few things. I think, what the husband did, in a way is right, however if he was this serious about not being able to take care of child, better wear a condom. Playing with a woman's body is not acceptable. There are too many consequences of abortions and some women even get depressed later. My mum had to undergo some and my aunts as well, they could not handle it pretty well.

    If we look at it from another point of view. If they go ahead with the child, they may not do justice to the child and the up bringing. Thus, in the hindsight it was a better decision, perhaps.

    However, the girl needs to take a stand from here on and ensure her husband plays it safe. Her body and emotions need to be respected from here on, she is no sex toy.

    Apologies, if I sound a bit too harsh, however, I think this man needs to be educated.

  4. why don't you join twitter? I am tweeting your link.

  5. Aborting the child was the worst decision of their life that they could have made and I felt very sorry that they did. What I feel is that the things in the family can be solved if they do not have communication gap. I am not an expert at relations, but I think if they would have talked to their parents then things can be done...Aborting the child was not the solution..
    May be I am biased but think of it, a life can not be compared to money and I am sure they would have raised that child is not greatest thing in this world.

    The whole idea was mine, and if you felt bad then I owe an apology but again I will say the that was done was completely wrong.


    and yes do join twitter...recommended from me too

  6. well, whatever may be the justification but in any circumstance abortion can never be a good thing.....moreover one should not force his/her partner to go for it unless both of them are ready for it with mutual consent, that too in the worst case only.....

  7. Well said. Very disturbing story! Not all can do such things! :(

  8. @Chintan: Hey thanks, I take it as a compliment, you made my day...:). I am thankful to my friend who shared this with me, without which this post would not have been possible. With respect to the blog, I also had the same question, they should have planned it properly. Well, the actual reason they only know. Respecting each other's emotions should be the top priority, especially in marriage. Hope they can get over this at the earliest.

    @Jayendra: Good point, but may be it was not possible for them to raise the child, so rather than cursing themselves later, they decided to opt for abortion.

    @Irfanuddin: Completely agree with you.

    @Bharathiraja: Thanks, it's disturbing, hope they can get over it.

  9. Some decisions in life are never easy right? We have not lived their life so who are we to judge them?
    Anyways great article...

  10. found your blog through Chintan...

    touchy..cannot comment on right or wrong coz that will be my biased perception...but a great article...

    agree with Chintan, if you are not planning then better play safe...


  11. found your blog through chintan!

    A bold one, good you came up with this topic. Something people do have to understand.

    Following you!

  12. I've been in the situation your friend has been and yep the guilt of taking another life can crush you for days !!!

  13. @Rahul: Appreciate your feedback, we are no one to judge anyone. Agree with you.

    @Sub: Thanks for reading it, appreciate your feedback.

    @Vijay: Thanks for stopping by, appreciate your feedback.

    @The Dragon: Agree with you, it's tough, I hope you have got over it or atleast you are better off now compared to earlier.

  14. Prashanth, I have heard a story like this too and got scared. You have out thoughts in words so well.

    1. Oh sorry to hear that. The major part of the blog was written by my friend and thanks for the appreciation.

  15. This is not something new that I've heard about but it is really bad that the woman's got to undergo so much! Really not many women can handle the depression! My aunt couldn't handle a miscarriage..imagine..abortion!!! I agree with Chintan..The husband should be educated on matters of respecting his wife's emotions and body!

    Your newest follower :)

    1. Hey Jen, thanks for visiting my blog and commenting on it. Hope you will find interesting blogs to read....:)